counting points

Weight watchers is trying to make me a vegan. Swear to god. Everything that isn’t a furit or veggie is worth points. My soy mocha latte is 16 points. Are you fucking kidding me? So no mocha makes it 6 points? I date three apples the other day. Kill me now. Let’s just saying I understand how people save up points for drinking. And surprisingly how many points my hangover food really was. Still, drinking isn’t an option. Because soda is awful and I more upset I drank that then the whiskey. But sushi is always a must. First week done but won’t weight myself til tomorrow.

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what diet apps are missing

Three things key missing from every calorie/ weight/ work out apps

1. They rarely ask if you’re a drinker. I mean its great you tell me how many calories a jack n coke is but you fail to tell me how many calories I lose puking those drinks up the next day.

2. Sex isn’t a form of exercise. If we know it takes 68 min of sex to work off a slice of pizza then it should be an exercise option like all other exercises. With the sub options/ questions
A. How long?
B. Level of work out
Light sweating: easy to talk
Medium sweating: hard to talk
Heavily sweating: cant talk at all
C. State your sobriety level

3. They never ask if you’re a stoner and if one is willing to admit it then they should deserve an extra point a day or healthy munchies options. #factchickissues

 

the stretch mark effect

I’m fat. Fuck off. Let me call myself that because I kinda am. I really never felt gross until I discovered stretch marks on my belly. And I’m not even pregnant. It always been predicable when men see your side stretch marks they assume you have kids. Shocker I don’t. I’m just thick.  Its different for me when I found them on my belly. I cried. Several nights. I can barely remember to take my vitamins everyday then to remember to put coco butter on them. I actually felt sad about myself. We all do it. Its a mental thing. At first I was ok with my belly just peaking pass my tits (when they are in a bra, obviously)

I’m half determined to lose weight. Mostly because I haven’t gotten the bug to really work out. Its cold. I’m carless and sometimes a nap after an 8hr shift is enough exercise. You find work out buddies when your schedules end up matching but going alone still feels like you’re not pushing yourself. I have a mini work out room in my living room. Small weights, that blow up ball you can allegedly do things with beside sit on it. Two mini heavy weight balls, weight hula hoop, all that collected thru the years and I’m still collecting rolls. Last fall I found a corebody reformer and I just starting using it monday. Along with weight watchers. I’m doing this all because I’m became a little vain when I discovered the stretch marks veins.

I know I won’t drop 20lbs in a month unless I get mono or go on cocaine diet aka the main two Hollywood’s best diets. Plus with the market now a days medical bills cost as much as a habit. So I count point. I walk. I do the work out you tube thing on the machine. Three days in. I can do this.

sums it perfectly

It was a freezing night and not a single cloud

I had a couple in me so I reached out

And then I heard your voice

Felt you all inside

I prayed for the distance to keep us in line

But there’s things I’ve done you understand like no one else

There’s pain I kept buried deep inside myself

I’ve been saying for forever “hey that’s not me”

But me with you is who I think I’ll always be

Please say no

Please say no

Please say no

Please say no

Say anything you will

Except how you’d have me still

Say anything but no

And I’ll go I’ll go I’ll go

It was the peak of summer and I thought I’d drowned

We couldn’t get close

All the kids were around

But I could read you plain

You want a different life

Someday hell, you might ruin mine

I’ve lately come to wonder what it might feel like

If one last time we went and did this right

And someone no one possibly could know our names

Someone no one bothers to remember face

Please say no

Please say no

Please say no

Please say no no no no no

Say anything you will

Except how you’d have me still

Say anything but no

And I’ll go I’ll go I’ll go

With you

With you

With you

If all you’re really hoping for is peace of mind

Don’t come to me with questions, you’ll just waste your time

Exactly what you’re looking for is what you’ll find

All I see around me is a losing bind

Please say no

Please say no

Please say no

Please say no no no no no

Say anything you will

Except how you’d have me still

Say anything but no

And I’ll go I’ll go I’ll go

And I’ll go I’ll go I’ll go

-Jimmy eat world

long live planned parenthood

Oh good god. This should show everyone why places like planned parenthood need not to have budget cuts placed on them. With schools letting insane women like that give abstinence classes and cutting real sex ed out of schools our youth has no hope. At least planned parenthood doesn’t lie to women and youth about their bodies and how sex works. Only 3% of what planned parenthood hood does is abortions. So I suggest you get over yourself and over that 3% fucking percent cuz with republicans nuts jobs cutting funds your ass will be supporting all these uneducated kids and their kids if they aren’t giving the proper education. Either education your kids the right way or shut up and help support the people you are under paid and even volunteer to help the women, men and our youths stay healthy and educated about safe sex and living.

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/7080108?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000046

turn and repeat

Let’s repeat mistake. Let’s keep trying even though there is no reason too. Let’s pretend I was right this whole time and I can go on with my life without you. Let’s pretend for a moment that what happen with us actually affected your life for once.  I relive that day every day. Every day there is a moment where I let me mind escapes me and I go back to that night. I count each drink you have and the times you saw just one more. If I never left you alone then we might be happier. If I never left you alone for that hour then id wouldn’t keep waking up at night of the fear of you next to me. I wouldn’t keep tasting blood in my mouth.

left to rebuild

Holding a grudge my friends say Im having with you. Well maybe I am. But my heart and my head are fighting over which to believe. Which in the end there is still that hurt even if it wasn’t deliberate on your part..
You’re heart was in the right place but your head wasn’t that moment in time. Even though in all reality your dick was the one in charge of your actions.

Even breaking down the two sides of it I can’t get pass the look you gave me. That look you gave after you let your lips say I promise you. You’ve never broken a promise to me.

You never forget your first time you realize you the person you care for broke a promise to you. As little or as important that promise was you can say to yourself well I forgive you or move on or back away. I spent many years forgiving just to get hurt again to where I built a wall up to not let it hurt anymore.

Then you came along to slowly chip away at this wall in front of me. With every smile another piece breaks away. With every conversation to the important to the have a good day text, slowly chipping away. The bigger pieces came off when for the first time in a long time when someone told me I’m beautiful I actually believe it. It wasn’t a line for points or to get some at all. Out of nowhere in a crowd of people you turned to me and said “you’re beautiful and hugged me”. That’s never happened before  and I didnt know how to take it but I felt feeling like yeah I guess I am.

Still some of my wall is left around my feet keeping me in but there for me to step out of until that night. Letting you chip away at my wall passed my heart was a the biggest mistake because when that moment happened I had nothing to protect my  heart from you. There was nothing but myself standing there and it’s a feeling I don’t want to ever want to feel again. Only reminded me why I never let the wall around my heart down.

You were a different kind of friend to me those years. A special friend nothing more nothing less. Wrong timing is the story of my life because when you finally did speak I took something out on you I shouldn’t of have. And for that yes I’m sorry.

  In my head repeats,
But don’t forgive him only because you were the only one with something to say to try to fix it. It says, Don’t forgive him because he use to tell you not to put up with stupid bullshit guys give you and you can’t forgive him for doing that exact same shit he said not to tolerate.

But in my head repeats,
As tall as lions:
“Well maybe I’m just scared
scared to let you go
I want you to know
right from hello
your l*** just keept me wondering
Well maybe I’m just tired
tired of never knowing”

Grudge no. Just because it wasn’t deliberate doesn’t make it hurt anyless.

So excuse me,  I have a wall to build.